Nectar
by Emma-Kitty
Summary: One-shot songfic to Everything About You by Three Days Grace One night with Hermione and Severus in despair and desperate to find something to escape in. Drug-use, language, innuendo, not like my usual stuff


Nectar  
  
"Severus is coming over tonight, Ginny," said Hermione, her bloodshot eyes scanning the paper.  
  
"Again?" Ginny Weasley asked.  
  
"Yes," said Hermione, still not looking at her. Ginny folded down the top edge of the Daily Prophet so she could look Hermione in the eyes.  
  
"Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Hermione?" Hermione rolled her eyes. "You used to be so smart. What happened?"  
  
"Shit happened," said Hermione. "Stay out of my life, Ginny, what I do on my time is none of your fucking business."  
  
Ginny sighed. It was the argument she could never defeat. Hermione was an adult now and could do what she wanted. "Fine," the youngest Weasley huffed. "I'll spend the night at Harry and Ron's. But I don't want to come back and find one thing out of place, Hermione. Not like last time."  
  
"It'll be better than last time," said Hermione quietly.  
  
Seven years had passed since Hermione's graduation from Hogwarts. In that time, Voldemort had been defeated, her parents had died, and she had gotten herself a new boyfriend. Or fuck partner. Whatever she felt like saying at the time.  
  
Severus Snape had come into her life when she had needed an escape. He had offered it. It was called Nectar, a potion that numbed the pain, made everything go away except the sweet taste it left in her mouth. It also had the added bonus of hooking her up with the dreaded Potions Professor. Now she could get a good fuck whenever the Nectar wasn't enough to numb the pain, which was happening more and more frequently now. It made her mad. She didn't like to feel anymore.  
  
He knocked on the door of her flat late that night. Almost midnight. She answered quickly.  
  
"Did you bring it?" she asked without introduction.  
  
"Of course," he said. "Are we alone?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good."  
  
Hermione's sheets were dirty, but he was used to that. They were stained from past encounters and the blood from when he occasionally got to rough. But she never said anything. She only screamed when she came. He never said anything at all. Neither ever slept when they were with the other, another effect of the Nectar.  
  
*Every time we lie awake After every hit we take Every feeling that I get But I haven't missed you yet*  
  
It wasn't ever about love, and no one ever called it that. They never made love. It was only ever about the sex. They only ever fucked. It was a hell of a way to spend a weekend, fucking until her cunt was as sore as her throat, and always on the Nectar, never without the Nectar. It was how she survived.  
  
*Every roommate kept awake By every sigh and scream we make All the feelings that I get But I still don't miss you yet*  
  
Once, he hadn't brought enough to keep her. Hell had ripped through the flat and Ginny had come home to find nothing where it had been. Windows were shattered, walls were punched through and everything that could be thrown, had been. That was when Hermione had started hating Severus. He hadn't brought enough of it. He was the cause of everything. He was the one who made her feel.  
  
This time was different. This time, he brought more than enough.  
  
Hermione felt herself coming down, felt the pain seeping back into her bones. The pain of years, the pain of moments, the overwhelming, mind- bending pain. She threw her head back and swallowed another gulp of the sweet liquid. The pain still didn't retreat. Again. The pain hazed over, receding from her bones to the hell it came from, relieving her, if only for the moment.  
  
Severus felt himself coming down, too. The pain creeping not into his bones, but his muscles. The fibers of his flesh protesting every move he made, every pleasure he threw himself into. But he left the Nectar with her, not asking for more. The pain made him feel like he existed. He knew what it was like to not exist. Existing was a new high; pain was a new Nectar.  
  
Was he really with Hermione Granger? Was this really her? Had she really done this to herself? He knew what she'd done. He'd done the same thing and helped her do it herself.  
  
*Only when I stop to think about it I hate everything about you Why do I love you I hate everything about you Why do I love you*  
  
Hermione stumbled out into the kitchen to get a glass of water. One thing about Nectar, it made her thirsty. Oh so thirsty. Like she was in a desert and her mouth was full of salty sand, sucking every last drop of moisture out of her body. And fucking like that never helped. But it sure as hell felt good.  
  
She greedily gulped the cool liquid in the glass, gasping for breath when she finished. The water had cleared her head too much and the pain flowed through her again with the water. She doubled over with it. Everything hurt so much. She felt so dirty. She only felt like that when the Nectar was slowly making it's way through her body, leaving behind the pain and the real world. It left her alone, able to feel. She didn't want to feel. She wanted to sleep. Not die, never die, but sleep. Just warm, unconscious, soft sleep.  
  
Severus walked into the kitchen. Hermione was doubled over by the sink, tears streaming from her eyes. "Here," he said, handing a cup of Nectar.  
  
She took it.  
  
"I hate you," she said.  
  
"I hate you, too," he wasn't surprised. It wasn't the first time she'd told him so.  
  
"I hate everything about you."  
  
"It's mutual," he knew what this was usually a prelude of and felt his body anticipate the next round.  
  
"But only when I stop to think about it. In a few minutes, I won't hate you anymore."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I never miss you. Every time we lie awake, after every hit we take, every feeling that I get, but I haven't missed you yet."  
  
"I never miss you either."  
  
"I miss the Nectar."  
  
"I miss the fucking."  
  
"That too," she held out her hand for more Nectar. She wasn't high enough yet.  
  
"So you hate everything about me," he stated.  
  
"Yup, every damn part."  
  
"You hate."  
  
"I hate."  
  
"I hate everything about you."  
  
"Me, too. Let's go back."  
  
"Okay."  
  
They went back to the bedroom and fucked some more. When they were finished they lay on Hermione's dirty sheets, sweating. New stains were on the sheets now.  
  
Hermione felt herself coming down. The Nectar hadn't been enough this time. It wouldn't be enough again. The pain started choking her again. She put her hands around her throat to keep it at bay. It was pressing, closing in on her, ripping the life from her body, stealing the energy from her mind.  
  
Severus was lying beside her. The pain had returned and never left. It had been back for a long time. He knew what it was like to live with pain and to live through it and to simply survive it. Sometimes survival was the best he could hope for; sometimes he succumbed to the darkness, to the Nectar. He had only ever once lived through it. Most often, he lived with it. He was trying to ignore how much he hurt, trying to make it all go away without the Nectar, when he felt her shaking.  
  
Dawn was peaking through the curtains and he could see her face. Could see her tears. Could see her pain. She wasn't living with it. She wasn't even surviving. He had to show her how to live through it. He embraced her.  
  
"It gets better if you let it," he said.  
  
"It hurts too much to let it heal."  
  
"Only because you won't let it. I've had to do it, too. You have to let it go. You have to let it heal."  
  
Silence stretched for eternity and for no time.  
  
"I hate everything about you," she said.  
  
"You hate everything about me," he echoed. "I hate everything about you."  
  
"Why do I love you?" they both asked in unison.  
  
And when they genuinely kissed for the first time, neither one of them felt so alone anymore. And the Nectar lay forgotten by the bed.  
  
* * * A/N: Go ahead and flame if you want. I know this isn't like my usual stuff, but I hope you enjoyed it! Please review and tell me what you thought! 


End file.
